I hate summer colds

I have been really sick with what I think is a cold mixed with some sort of stomach bug, what ever it is has me completely worn out and I hate it. I have been feeling like this since June 1st so I am thinking I got it from someone on the bus. Wifi is working for a change on a weekend *surprise surprise* so I am trying to update.

I have also been reading a lot and catching up on a couple of shows (Izombie & PLL), I am caught up to season three on Izombie and am taking a break and now watching PLL from the beginning.

SO has court for this dumb ass jay walking charge tomorrow, he got it in April for crossing the street on his way to work. If you follow me on twitter, I ranted about him being stopped for WWB (I trust you know what that means without me having to spell it out, its the same as DWB). Both he and I are surprised that he has to go to court for this BS, The cop car stopped before he crossed the street. Hopefully the judge will just dismiss the charge because its dumb.

I have my own issues with police in this city, but that is another story for another time. He’ll probably have to sit in court all day, I am sure there are more pressing issues the judge will need to deal with first.


Being diagnosed with a mental health disorder is stressful for both the person suffering from it and the people around them. As someone who has been dealing with multiple mental health diagnoses since I was very young and being told that there was nothing wrong with me constantly by everyone around me is why I turned to writing when I was twelve years old.

I have heard it all from there is nothing wrong with you to its all in your head to you had a great childhood, what do you have to be depressed about. Having a Depression diagnoses and being depressed for a day or two are two completely different things. A mental health diagnoses DOES NOT discriminate. Young, Old, White, Black, Asian, Rich, Poor, Famous, ect. Anyone can suffer and shouldn’t be bullied or ridiculed for it.

If you suffer from a mental health diagnoses whatever it may be, There is nothing wrong with you, You are normal and it is not your fault. 

I am 34 years old, I have used self-harm as a coping skill since I was ten years old. I have attempted suicide six times since age 15. I have been in counseling since I was thirteen, I have had different diagnoses over the last thirteen years. I have been hospitalized twice.  I have been bullied, both physically and emotionally by both my peers and people older then me. Through all of this, I am not ashamed and I am not alone.

I have always been very open online that I suffer and you should be too, don’t wait for a hashtag on January 25th to talk about your experiences. One comment, One post can save someone’s life  who thinks they are alone and told they should be ashamed.Someone who feels that the only way they can be happy and free is by killing themselves.

If you are suffering from any kind of mental health disorder or you just need someone to talk to, please comment or if you don’t feel comfortable with that fill out the form and I will respond.



If there is anyone in your life who is suffering, just listen to them and try to understand. If you don’t take anything else from this post, please take that.

Good Morning

I am just getting over a cold combined with a stomach bug which I unfortunately dealt with on my birthday which left me in bed most of the day and the whole weekend. Besides that my birthday was okay, I spoke to S and both my mom & brother texted me.

There has been a bit of drama, N and I are not friends anymore and S now knows that she has been bad mouthing her and her husband to others besides myself and D. S confronted her the day after my birthday and when I signed on to FB to reply to birthday comments, I noticed that N deleted me. I could honestly care less, the women is a middle school child stuck in a grown woman’s body.

I took the metro out to the reservation yesterday and there was some drunk guy on the bus, He was actually drinking on the bus the way there and annoying the hell out of me. S’s husband was on the bus with me and ended up telling drunk man to leave me alone as I was trying to read to pass the time and he wouldn’t shut up. Then on the way back drunk man pissed the bus driver off and she tried to kick him off the bus when we made it back to the city. He refused and I didn’t want to miss my bus home, so I (as well as a group of others) got off the bus and walked to get our connecting buses. I’m sure he’s sitting in county right now, it’s not a smart move to piss a bus driver off.

I met with my new case manager the other day and she is supposed to stop by today so I can sign some paperwork for a place that does income based apartments. When I told her how much I am paying for this room plus bathroom they call a apartment her jaw hit the floor. The apartment place’s waiting list’s are really long 3 to 5 years long which is why I haven’t considered them before but she told me that they put applicants that come through their agency at the top of the list I told her I would fill the paperwork out.

When I paid my rent yesterday I explained to the office manager that I was actively looking for a new place and was told that I needed to give 60 days notice. She told me to put my notice in and if I don’t find something by the end of July she will push the notice back, so I put it in. I do not want to be here another winter, that’s when the rodents find refuge inside the building and I am not dealing with that. My case manager also said she is going to get me some rat poison and was appalled when I told her the owner knows about the problem and just doesn’t care.

Besides going to the grocery store, I don’t have any plans outside the house. My plans are to get through my main email and to do a possible product review via the blog today. Maybe write a chapter or two to one of the novels I have going.

I feel like…..

I’ve spent the majority of my time yesterday & this morning updating the contents of my blog, I added to some pages in the Jolene section, as well as added a new chapter to The Paranormal Effect in the writing section. Of course I have been joining fanlistings and discovering new websites (I wouldn’t be me, if I didn’t).

I really don’t feel good today though, I’ve had a terrible migraine since this morning and as a sufferer of chronic migraines…nothing really makes them go away. I decided to lay down about noon and try to go to sleep, D was watching a show and was making a ton of noise so I didn’t really get a lot of sleep. The trouble of living in a studio apartment.

Got a check in the mail from a survey about Mark TEN e cigarettes I did awhile go, so very happy after I got my mail this afternoon. Plans for the rest of the day are, waiting for D to get back so I can try and make it to the check cashing place before they close. I wanted to try to write today, as I currently have four novel’s (The Paranormal Effect, Broken, Unhappily ever after & Mystery Man).

Hoping this queasy feeling goes away. If I didn’t know better, I’d say I’m pregnant. 

Another sleepless night

I guess tonight will be another sleepless night, it’s only 1:03am but I can feel it. For now the wifi connection is holding steady (if my rent wasn’t so expensive I’d have my own private wifi) even though a couple of hours ago it kept dropping and I was yelling, pissed. I saw there was a hit and run around the area that D lives in (around ten pm), so I sent him a text making sure he was okay and He just called me back (about a half hour ago). I am currently reading blogs (something I rarely do) and listening to music on Pandora.

My migraine is still holding strong, I wanted to read for a while (the first book I am doing for my reading challenge) from my pounding head is making it impossible to read via the kindle app on my phone.  I am getting a lot of visitors from Buffalo and it is making me kind of nervous that I know these people, say something…comment.

I am getting tired of the black/red combo, going to have to change that soon…maybe something more spring/summer like.

My head hurts

I generally try not to drink coffee late at night but I have had this super bad migraine since yesterday and it won’t go away, I tried to sleep and went to bed with it, then I woke up with it. Everything is bothering me, the light, the noise from the fan, the noise of the TV, the heat coming from the radiator. I tried to eat, not working. I tried taking a hot shower, not working so I give up. Maybe some hot coffee will break it enough so I can get some sleep. and I guess I will sleep with my cold rice pack tonight, again.

Bored with life & with drama

I am bored with this blog, the site in general and my life to be frank, which is why I haven’t been blogging and why my site hasn’t any visitors (besides from fanlisting owners who come to check that I’ve linked back) and I want to do something about that. I am planning a complete overhall, hopefully to be completed by mid-month or this weekend (depending on if I can’t sleep and have enough coffee in me).

I have reached a point in my life where I am considering stopping communication with certain female people I call friends, I have never had so much drama in my life (in that department anyways) before I moved into this hell hole that they call an apartment building.

The building itself is not worth what the landlord charges for it, they don’t allow pets but that’s okay because the building comes with mice….yes for 600+ you too can have a small studio with everything included + mice. The landlord doesn’t care and will do nothing besides providing traps that don’t catch shit. Besides that I have been here a little over a year and seven people have died since I moved in, I believe the grim reaper is taking up residence here.

Now back to drama, there is this girl that moved in over the summer R and I have a friend N who is hates this girl on the sole fact of …… her man was in R’s face, I don’t have a problem with R at all and I think she is a very nice girl who has been nothing but kind to me. N comes to my apartment every morning and wants to unload drama (talk shit) about R and a mutual friend of ours S and I don’t like drama….I have very few female friends because of this.

I have held my tongue for long enough and next time N mentions R or S in anything drama like I am going to snap.

Needed to vent, Thanks.

Good Morning

Sorry that I haven’t been communicating with you all lately, I have been really depressed because of the holidays as my family and I aren’t speaking and it looks like D is once again out of the picture. N helped me a lot the other day, she went and bought me some food and has been a listening ear for me. I haven’t been talking to S, she’s been acting different since her boyfriend has been home. I called my friend C last night and talked to her for awhile, we made plans to spend new years eve weekend together and she is coming to my house for the weekend.

She is staying with her dad until she find a apartment and we have been friends for about four years but haven’t hung out in awhile. We are supposed to go downtown on new years eve, they have a free concert/ball drop thing every year and we went 2012/2013 and it as a lot of fun. I want to get on some income based listings for some apartments, I live in a very small studio apartment and although everything is included in my rent it is still 600 a month which is most of my disability check and I want to find something bigger that is based on my income.

I need to get back into counseling and I want to find a new doctors office but I can’t do anything until January when I am able to buy a bus pass. I hate where I go to the doctors now and I want to try to get back into elmwood health center where I used to go, I was kicked out for to many missed appointments. I just called elmwood health center and they won’t take me back but I found another doctors office and I made an appointment for February 20th.

I’m not doing much of anything this weekend, N told me she may be able to get a ride to the grocery store to get me a couple of things…I made her a list but she hasn’t text me back yet. We are under a snow storm warning, but so far Buffalo hasn’t gotten any snow, the south towns got a ton…I heard.