I recently received a letter from social security that my disability case is under review, to my knowledge they haven’t reviewed my case in the past so I suppose I am due but it still scares the crap out of me. At this point disability is my main source of income, I use it to pay my rent and the rest of my monthly bills so getting cut off suddenly is a major problem and scary as hell for me. I haven’t worked since 2007 and frankly being forced to go out and maintain a full time job is just scary, part of my major fear is that having panic attacks (not to be confused with anxiety attacks) in a public setting that I will have to push through and stay in, in order to keep a job is not something I have dealt well with in the past.
I have gotten much better then I was, in the past in 07-08 because of the panic attacks I was faced with on a daily basis left me pretty much house-bound for over a year and I was diagnosed back then with agoraphobia because being around large crowds sent me into freezing up and getting out of the situation quickly. I still don’t do well with large crowds and pretty much avoid concerts and festivals because of it. However I can now go to the grocery store without freaking out, which was near possible for me in that time in my life.
I have things I do to make money online that doesn’t effect my disability and affords me extra money to spend on things such as books and things I like that I can’t afford with my check every month….extra things. I have been looking into working from home in a way where I can get off disability once and for all. So that has taken up much of my free time.
I also have been suffering from a great deal of writers block, I really want to complete a book this year and have been trying to work through my annoyance with not having any ideas.
I am not going to promise to blog more because I don’t keep promises, those who know me well with nod in agreement with this statement.